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Ridiculed Yu-Gi-Oh Cards (Page 7)

Cards below have been recreated with humorous names and card text to reflect my actual views on them.
The Story of Why Spellcasters Suck
Equip Spell
Once there was a Spellcaster that read this book. He sucked at making magic spells. The end.
Comments: It's worse than a book with a lame ending because it never had a good starting point either.
Rejected Pirate Treasure
Equip Spell
Have a zombie in need of an extra boost? Well you're going to get very little here.
Comments: To think that a mere 300 ATK and DEF boost warranted making each of these cards short printed despite being restricted to a specific type monster.
Chuck E. Cheese's Toy Fangs
Equip Spell
Now your Beast will have marginally more fear factor.
Comments: They look pretty fearsome in the artwork but that's generally how regular plastic fangs would look to kids.
Toddler's Cosplaying Sword
Equip Spell
Your monster's strength and defense only increase by 300. Now you know why it wasn't stuck in a stone.
Comments: Even back then, it did very little to your monster, even those that were Warriors.
Harpie's Deformed Brother
WIND / Winged Beast / Level 3 / ATK 800 / DEF 800
A descendent of Harpie's Brother that wasn't properly developed. It can't even fly and every day is on the verge of being the meal for better predators.
Comments: It kinda looks like Harpie Lady but it's a bird of prey and not in a good way.
Major Sucky, the Lackluster Swordsman
EARTH / Warrior / Level 4 / ATK 1100 / DEF 1100
They call him Major Sucky because he's trying to be a higher ranked soldier but is proving more and more with time that he's not cut out for being even a basic soldier.
Comments: It's a good thing monsters like these are only now being used for Speed Duels because that's where they're more likely to be successful, though there's still a handful of better monsters in those packs anyway.
Merlin's Worst Magical Sheep
EARTH / Beast / Level 3 / ATK 800 / DEF 1000
A sheep that was unable to do anything Merlin tried to make it do. Its fur also didn't serve as warmth on the cold nights.
Comments: Even the other magical sheep has uses as Fusion Material and higher ATK.
The Rejected Cloudian King
DARK / Fiend / Level 3 / ATK 1000 / DEF 900
His weather proved to be insufficient for joining the Cloudians. Even Cloudian Smoke Ball had better results.
Comments: He's really more like a cumulus cloud with no way to grow bigger and become a threat.
The Planet's Tamest Weather
LIGHT / Fairy / Level 3 / ATK 1000 / DEF 1000
Forecasters feared it would be a devastating blow but the warnings were not justified as it turned out to be a typical day in summer.
Comments: Even the sun and wind can't create a force strong enough to combat most monsters in this set.
The King of Dead Grass
EARTH / Plant / Level 3 / ATK 500 / DEF 1600
A plant found on a lawn that has been dead for decades. His chances of being successful were lost long ago.
Comments: It has better DEF than about 90% of the monsters thus far but that's because they all have low ATK to begin with and he has less ATK than they do.
The Sea King's Worst Attacker
WATER / Aqua / Level 3 / ATK 800 / DEF 700
A member of the Sea King's army, his skills are far below everyone else's and was chosen out of desperation to fill that last slot and to use as bait for enemy attacks.
Comments: It doesn't even look that angry in the artwork so furious doesn't really describe it that well.
Magikarp's True Evolved Form
WATER / Fish / Level 3 / ATK 900 / DEF 800
Although resembling the feared Pokemon Gyarados, it has the same number of powerful attacks as Magikarp, which is to say, none.
Comments: It's about as useless as Magikarp so it's a perfect fit.
Good-for-Nothing Pet Rock
EARTH / Rock / Level 3 / ATK 900 / DEF 1000
A pet rock that dissolves away the instant its owner sees it. They never see eye-to-eye and the owner ends up wasting money on it.
Comments: The actual name is just as bad, Dissolverock, which to me says it's a rock that dissolves on its own accord.
Slifer's Long-Lost Cousin
EARTH / Dragon / Level 3 / ATK 900 / DEF 700
Its two mouths suggested it was the first incarnation of Slifer the Sky Dragon. Unfortunately, it had no means of being useful so Slifer ended up evolving on its own accord and had to put up with such failures for years.
Comments: It is after all very much like Slifer, at least from the two mouths. Though, it has nothing in common regarding its usefulness either.
Overcooked Phantom
DARK / Zombie-Type Fusion / Level 3 / ATK 1000 / DEF 800
"Thick-Headed Servant" + "Good-for-Nothing Pet Rock"
Comments: It's barely stronger than the previous two and takes more effort to bring out. It's worthless.
Karen, the Girl with Burnt Skin
EARTH / Warrior / Level 2 / ATK 800 / DEF 400
She was taught to wield the special blue flame, but found that she ended up burning off all her skin as a result of mishandling the simple task.
Comments: Joey ran this card when he was a novice duelist and was never going to win with a 40 card Monster Deck. Tea` was able to beat him multiple times in this fashion. Using her is never a good idea.
The Flame that Burned Out
FIRE / Pyro / Level 2 / ATK 600 / DEF 500
It tried to stay warm using its own heat in an area where combustible materials were very limited and eventually burned itself out.
Comments: Something to be said when a flying gumball has more defense than an angry fireball.
Flying Gumball
LIGHT / Fairy / Level 3 / ATK 600 / DEF 900
It came from a gumball machine and mysteriously sprouted wings, enabling it to fly. It wasn't even good candy and was overpriced so no one ever bought it.
Comments: Tea` Gardner used it but she was never good enough to actual prove herself. Mai was her only victory prior to the Big Five trapping her in the ice age.
Fish Bait Dragon
WIND / Dragon / Level 2 / ATK 600 / DEF 700
A dragon so weak and unable to make fire that it is used as bait to catch fish.
Comments: Well it'd be more appealing than the worm perhaps.
Animated Tiger Costume
WATER / Aqua / Level 4 / ATK 1000 / DEF 1500
A costume designed like a tiger that came to life on Halloween night. It looks fierce but even the children know it's nothing to be afraid of.
Comments: Kids probably thought it was cool but at that age, just about anything is cool or scary.